i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
