So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
