need another drink. this is the easiest way
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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