I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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