im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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