So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
