there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
