Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
