i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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