Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
