My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
