is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
