Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
