Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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