i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
