Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
