he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
