I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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