we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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