We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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