you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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