So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
