I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
