Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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