I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
