I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
