I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize