Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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