And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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