You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
