Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
