I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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