Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
