the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
