Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
