I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
