I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it was like eating out sand paper
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
