wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize