i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
