so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
