my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize