every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
