Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
