On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
