Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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