It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
