hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
