I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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