You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
