Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
