is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
