Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize