I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
