How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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