She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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