I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
