WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
