I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
