Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
