so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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