just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
