I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
