someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Be still, my beating vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
