When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize