hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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