oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
