I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
