carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
