a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
