Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize