So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
