I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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