Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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